THE LIZ CARLIN SHOW
an unfinished sitcom.
january–june 2024
Sitcom-adjacent show set in college with a "gang" of four students: Liz, Scott, Pavan, and Mia.
Liz treats the real world like a sitcom. We're viewing her interpretation of events. She reduces herself, her friends, and her environment into a one-dimensional sitcom world, and hates it when she loses control of how she's perceived.
Progressing through the show, Liz will eventually break the superficiality of sitcoms and learn to live with reality.
Episode One — Full Script
click to read the pilot (PDF) →
"Nobody can figure her out because she doesn't know who she is"
Lovable but rough around the edges. From New York. Rich mother, divorced parents. Architecture major. Thrifty. Starts off sarcastic, ironic, cynical — learns to be herself as the season progresses.
"Straight-man, often asking stupid questions and starting conversations"
Smart in a dumb way. Almost bro-ish. From Massachusetts. Psychology major.
"Awkwardly stumbles his way through funny situations"
Indian-American. Chemistry major. Optimistic. Shy extrovert. Empathetic. Awkward.
"Slightly neurotic but always sticks with the group"
International student from Chile. Computer Science major. Neurotic. Slightly pessimistic. Unlucky. Collectivistic. Plans for everything.
Conversation about tipping. Our introduction to these characters. Liz introduces them and quips to camera.
- Scott walks in and asks how not to tip: "They turn that iPad around and I lose all control."
- Pavan can't help: "I can't help you, man. I fold."
- Mia responds sarcastically: "I bet you do"
- Pavan: "Easy for you to say! Everyone knows CS majors are born without hearts."
- Mia rolls her eyes, responds to Scott: "The key is to not look the employees in the eyes. That's how they get you."
- Pavan: "Do they tip much in Chile?" — Mia: "No, but they have a service fee most places. 10%."
- Liz: "That's exactly what we need in this country."
- Scott asks Liz how much she tips. Liz responds bluntly: "I don't."
- Scott is astounded: "But you're rich! That's like seeing someone choke and not giving them the Heimlich!"
- Liz: "Heimlich was a Nazi, you know." — Pavan: "No he wasn't." — Liz, smirking confidently: "Sounds like one."
- Liz finds a gold necklace at a thrift store, realizes it's worth way more than the price. Wants to flip it.
- Tries eBay, doesn't work. Tries a jeweler, can't sell it because she doesn't know the quality.
- Asks Pavan to test it in his chem lab. Pavan is hesitant but agrees. Liz also wants to steal dish soap. Scott wants her to steal thumbtacks.
- They go to the lab, test the gold. Liz dumps a chemical from a beaker and washes it. They hear a sound and leave. Liz drops dish soap and thumbtacks.
- Liz sells the necklace for a big profit, convincing the jeweler it's a family heirloom.
- Liz buys everyone coffee. Everyone leaves. Liz says "wait guys I forgot my jacket" — leaves massive tip.
- Scott asks Mia for help with Stats.
- Mia tries to explain, Scott doesn't understand. Mia suggests memory techniques: "You're a psych major, you'd know better than me."
- Scott tries mnemonics and chunking. Friends make fun of "chunking" — he read it in a paper.
- Scott tries a mind palace "like Sherlock Holmes" — he read it in a paper. Asks Liz to steal thumbtacks to pin up index cards.
- Scott's quiz is tomorrow, he's screwed. Liz: "maybe if instead of studying how to study, you'd just… studied."
- Quiz is canceled — professor slipped on some thumbtacks. (Liz and Pavan look at each other.)
- Mia's professor hates her for always being late. She slept through her alarm. Decides to go early next time.
- Sets an early alarm, sleeps through it, runs to class, runs back for her backpack, runs back to class. Professor is passive aggressive.
- Mia makes it on time — but sits in an empty room. Class was moved. She's late again.
- Eye of the Tiger montage. "wake up on time: check. brush teeth: check. shoes: check. backpack: check. check email for last-minute changes: che—" Face drops.
- Mia's professor died. (Cut to conversation with Liz) "HE DIED?!" "He died hating me."
- Pavan finds a funny mug at the thrift store (some awareness thing).
- Drinking from it in the lab. Head researcher comes in, talks about how serious the mug's cause is. Pavan folds and admits he got it from the thrift store because it was funny. Head researcher does not appreciate it.
- Pavan is on thin ice at his lab.
- Pavan helps Liz test her gold even though he's on thin ice.
- Head researcher asks who cleaned the beaker. Pavan blames someone else, they glare, Pavan admits it. Head researcher is proud: "that's the kind of initiative I look for."
Before we pan to our characters, other students say something "stereotypically college." This is Liz's interpretation of everyone else. When she's depressed, she perceives them as judging her.
"Yeah, I did track in high school, but that's not me any more"
"The Starbucks on campus is worse than the one off campus"
"Going to class is the worst part of this whole college thing"
"He's really smart but he sucks at teaching"
"If I just get a 97 on the final, I can get an A"
"I can't justify spending that much money on a smoothie in a bowl"